We got the idea from an earlier YouTube clip called 'Guy annoys girlfriend with puns at IKEA'.
Anyway, here's the video: (some of the puns may be a little cringe-worthy though :) )
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My sister and I recently went to IKEA in search of a birthday gift for our dad (I know - bizarre place to look for birthday presents), and we decided to make fun of a lot of the brand names. We got the idea from an earlier YouTube clip called 'Guy annoys girlfriend with puns at IKEA'. Anyway, here's the video: (some of the puns may be a little cringe-worthy though :) )
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Author: Jasper Fforde Published first: 2005 Genre: Crime fiction Blurb: It's Easter in Reading - a bad time for eggs - and the shattered, tuxedo-clad corpse of local businessman Humpty Stuyvesant Van Dumpty III has been found lying beneath the wall in a shabby part of town. Humpty was one life's good guys - so who would want him knocked off? And is it a coincidence that his ex-wife has met with a sticky end down at the local biscuit factory? A hardened cop on the mean streets of the Thames' Valley's most dangerous precinct, DI Jack Spratt has seen it all, and something tells him this is going to be a tough case to crack... Crime fiction is one of my favourite genres, but this book takes it to an entire new level. What's so clever about it is that all the crimes are focused around nursery rhymes. DI Jack Spratt is the leader of the Nursery Crime Division (NCD) down at the police station, and solves crimes relating to: the murder of Mr Wolff after the three little pigs boiled him in a pot, the whereabouts of Little Bo Peep's sheep, and the suicide/murder/accidental death of Humpty after falling from his beloved wall. Despite the nursery-rhyme tangent that the book follows, it is not targeted at children. Fforde utilises the nursery rhyme ideas to craft satirical and humorous text together for the guarantee of an interesting read. The plot is genius - as you follow the mystery behind Humpty's familiar death, you begin to realise just how many people want him dead, although an accidental death can not be ruled out just yet. At the final chapter you'll be content to find that Humpty's case is solved with a dramatic twist. What the book could have improved on? The book was a little longer than I had anticipated, and regularly lost focus of Humpty's mystery to venture into other nursery-rhyme character's lives. Rating...
I'm no chef - during my 15 years I've managed to leave the gas on for longer than 3 hours more than twice, put an oven timer on for 10 minutes thinking that's how long it takes to heat up already cooked hot-cross-buns (it only takes about two, but I can reassure you that no one had to eat under-cooked food - the food was burnt to a crisp), and placed metal in a microwave more than twice (I'm now no longer trusted anywhere near a kitchen) - BUT, that doesn't mean I don't have a passion for food technology, and no matter how crazy my friends think these ideas are, I believe these ideas will become the food of the future. 1. Raisin Jam I know what you're thinking: how is this food innovation? Well this idea stems from the idea of raisin toast. Excluding those who have a fear of raisins for some unknown reason, everyone loves raisin toast, although there are a few flaws: 1. More expensive than regular white bread 2. Less healthy than regular white bread with jam 3. More limited time of expiry in comparison to jam This is where the idea of raisin jam is first introduced. Instead of purchasing something more expensive, less healthy with a limited time of expiry than just regular bread with jam, why not turn raisin toast into regular bread with jam, although achieving the same taste and crunch. The jam would include the same ingredients such as raisins and cinnamon and would fit perfectly onto any piece of plain bread, white or otherwise. As jam is a preservative, you wouldn't have to buy as much of it, therefore eating the same toast but for a cheaper price. Raisin jam is definitely a food of the future. 2. Exclusively Muffin Tops Exactly - they didn't just dedicate an entire episode of Seinfeld to talking about muffin tops for nothing. Elaine was right when she said that muffin tops were the best part of the muffin, so why not promote muffin tops exclusively without the stump? The muffin top is equally the crunchiest yet softest part of the muffin, and so eating the stump is really just a waste of an appetite. By eating only half the muffin, you'd only be consuming half the calorie intake, making it much healthier yet still eating the best part of the muffin anyway. Selling them wouldn't be that difficult too. Instead of lobbing the stump off and throwing it away, bake only the top of the muffin with this specially-built muffin-top tin. And finally the last crazy idea... 3. Australian Sushi You may not believe it, but this tastes exactly like sushi! Who would have thought that a typical Australian breakfast such as avocado and Vegemite on toast would taste so much like sushi?
Let me explain: The white toast imitates the rice, the Vegemite gives the meal a salty quality reflected like the soy sauce and seaweed, and avocado is a common component of sushi. Therefore, the Australian breakfast tastes like a crunchy and hotter variation of the Japanese meal, and may encourage people to try sushi having liked the taste of Vegemite, and vice versa if someone likes the taste of sushi but doesn't yet enjoy the taste of Vegemite. Just recently at school we've had to start thinking about work experience, and I have no idea what to do. People keep telling me that it's not the end of the world and the work experiences that you do in year 10 may not even affect the job you do when you're older. The problem is not choosing the worst possible job to go and experience - the problem is that I can't make up my mind as to what to experience.
I probably haven't been exposed to a wide range of jobs out there. My parents are both high school teachers which isn't really convenient when trying to understand the variety of career choices, especially when I see about five different teachers a day.The world seems so secluded to me. I would really like a job that relates to writing, research, science, history, or really anything where new discoveries are made all the time. This is probably why the school gave us 8 months notice to work out what work experience we should do, because it's taking so long for me to think of something that I may be interested in. It's been a while since I last posted. It's EXAM WEEK at my school, where the teachers 'thoughtfully' decided to throw every test for each subject into the same week! I probably should be studying now, but I have to share the terrifying events of last night...
Well, they weren't actually that terrifying, just strange. I was sitting on the couch of our living room with my sister, just watching TV. The couch is positioned next to a window that looks out onto our driveway - our driveway has a gate at the end of it so our cars can pull into the carport. Anyway, we were sitting in total darkness except for a couple of kitchen lights that have a tendency to turn off anyway, when the sensor light on our driveway flashed on. We could see the light shine through the window, which caused us both to immediately look over to the driveway, when I heard the gate rattle. But not just one of those misunderstood rattles where you think someone is opening up the gate but it just turns out to be the wind - this rattle was legit. And, just after I heard the gate open and close, I could have sworn I saw a foot run into the darkness of our carport. I asked my sister if she heard the rattling too, and she said she had. Then we both freaked out. We ran straight to Dad who happened to be right next door and asked him if he heard the rattling too. I found it strange when he said he hadn't, because he was sitting even closer to the gate than we were - but then again, he is half-deaf. The sensor light was still on when Dad went out to investigate outside. He initially it might have been one of the neighbours, so went over and asked them if they had opened up the gate. He came back with the answer 'no'. I was getting really scared up at this point. Dad checked around carport and under the house, then back into the house deciding it was probably easily to look around in the dark with a torch. With the torch I assume he walked down to the pool area, because I was so cowardly I didn't actually go with him in case a psycho with a chainsaw showed up. I then realised that I left the window open in the garage when I was running on the treadmill. I thought to myself 'Of course, if someone deliberately broke into your house to murder someone, obviously they would go to the place with all the tools and weapons.' But, I don't understand why anyone would want to harm us - it does seem a little far-fetched looking back onto it. Dad didn't end up looking in the garage because he was convinced that no one was there, but the image of a foot running into the darkness still clung to my conscience. I've pictured it in my mind so much that I'm not sure if I actually saw a foot or not. Today, the mystery was still unsolved and it looked like it was going to storm. This meant I was forced to go and close the window in the garage in case the rain damaged any of the gym equipment. No, I would have to open up the garage and discover if the murderer was there or not. My heart began to beat wildly. I didn't want to ask anyone else to close the window for me because a) I would appear like a coward (which I secretly am) and b) if there really was someone inside, I couldn't have it on my conscience if someone was hurt as a consequence of going to close the window (which was my fault anyway) so I went down myself. I was trying to breathe as I pathetically trudged down the carport to the garage. The garage was by far the creepiest place of the house (unless you count under the house, but under the house isn't really in the house, so it doesn't count) and it didn't really help when thunder was booming dramatically in the distance, adding even more atmosphere to the already atmospheric situation. I was about to put the key into the lock when I heard... a scream! Ok, that was just my sister tricking me into thinking she saw a person behind me. I almost had a heart attack. Anyway, I was just about to give up all prospects of the future when I opened up the squeaky garage door and saw no one in it. It looked just as I had left it two days earlier. I flicked on the lights and reeled in the window, reflecting that it was probably too small for someone to climb into anyway. And really, why would anyone wait around in a hot garage all day with no food, nothing expensive to steal, but only to do a fitness workout on the elliptical trainer? Turns out my imagination just got the better of me again, although I still can't forget the vision of the foot running into the carport. I probably just mistook it for a possum. Anyway, I'm so relieved now, but I'm probably won't be going into the garage anytime soon. Are you one of those people in a family who are always responsible for cleaning a kitchen, when clearly there are multiple other people in the house who have just as much ability? Here is a letter I put together for my family to read, outlining the injustice that I face for having to fulfill kitchen duty (some of the names have been censored in case this letter gets in the hands of parents who do enjoy feasting off the oppression of their children) :
Dear Complainers, I have cleaned the kitchen because I didn't want to be blamed for its messy state, even though technically it wasn't my duty to clean it in the first place. El**** initially made all the mess so it was her responsibility, but unfortunately by default it was left up to me to clean the kitchen. I feel that their is a great imbalance within this house where instead of learning how to cook dinner and do other more interesting chores (if there is any), I have to learn how to scrape tomato sauce off a dinner plate. Furthermore, even though you may consider this petty, I have been left to clean the kitchen far more times than El***, even though she's the one who needs to learn how to pack a dishwasher more effectively if we don't wish to have a tsunami dripping through the house. I will now be keeping tabs on how many times I clean the kitchen in relation to El***, so I can prove how much injustice I face. Not only do I find this a matter of oppression, but also sexism. I am still waiting for the day when I discover Dad washing up the bowls, instead of mum or I. Cleaning the kitchen would also greatly influence his health and exercise habits as he would spend more time in the kitchen than sitting drinking beer in front of the TV. It would also greatly influence El***, as she needs blatant guidance on how to turn on a dishwasher and clean the bench. Also, in the future I will probably be left to clean the kitchen when it comes to my own family, so why should I have to begin now? I feel like there's a big lack of respect in this house when it comes down to deciding who should clean a damn kitchen. In know that initially both El*** and I are selected, but then you let El*** go and finish her maths or some kind of homework which she's probably strategically neglected anyway just so she can avoid cleaning up. But because I'm the 'obedient' one who's on top of all my studies, I'm punished instead by having to endure hardship. Well maybe I should just 'forget' to do my homework too, and go and sneak off to my room and watch movies on my iPad. I'm writing this to you because I'm sick of trying to explain myself, only to waste my breath because you won't listen. Yes, it's a first world problem, but I believe in prevailing justice. I am willing to clean the kitchen (maybe) though only if EVERYONE helps out, including El*** and Dad. I actually have others things that I would like to do, but unfortunately I've just consumed 20 minutes of my time in writing this letter of complaint, so I hope that you will consider my views... From, The Annoyed One. Author: Douglas Adams Published first: 1986 Genre: Fiction Blurb: One Thursday lunchtime the Earth gets unexpectedly demolished to make way for a new hyperspace bypass. For Arthur Dent, who has only just has his house demolished that morning, this seems already more than he can cope with. Sadly, however, the weekend has only just begun, and the Galaxy is a very very very very large and startling place. So many people have coaxed me to read this book that I was beginning to get curious as to how amazing it really was. Well, it really is amazing, not to put too fine a point on it. It's a fact that this book was originally broad-cast on the radio, but people thought it was such a good story that the author decided to turn it into a book. The story itself is completely imaginative, where the main characters Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect always seem to get out of trouble even though at one stage they were literally one second away from asphyxiating. In fact, the story appears to have an answer to everything, including the Ultimate Question: What's the answer to life, the universe and everything?' The characters are supplemented with humour and quick wit, offering for such an enjoyable read. Although, the book isn't for everyone. The style of the story is a little eccentric, so many people may not appreciate how clever it truly is. What the book could have improved on? At times the story was a little too fast-paced, and sometimes I lost where it was going at times, but overall it excelled in its level of entertainment. Rating...
Yes, if there's one thing that all Unsocial Neighbours have in common, its that they spend an abnormally large amount of time in the garden (probably growing massive hedges around the perimeter of their house so they can spy on their neighbours). But one Thursday morning while my family and I were out gardening (much to my displeasure), little did we know that Unsocial Neighbour was lurking nearby.
I had just finished sweeping the driveway and was working my way down to the carport, when Dad thought it would be funny to jump into the bin with all the sticks and twigs and pretend he was being attacked by Triffids (if you're not sure what Triffids are, I recommend you read The Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham - book review below!). To make the event even more humiliating, 5 minutes later, an elderly lady ran across to our house, panting, and asked if we had seen someone being attacked in the neighbourhood, because she heard someone yelling 'Help!' Apparently she had searched the entire street. Dad began laughing really awkwardly and explained that he was the one crying for help, but it was just a joke. The lady didn't really say anything, but then she didn't need to. Her eyes said it all. They said 'If you mess around with me one more time, I'll have a heart attack and die, and throw you into hell with me.' Maybe her stare wasn't that terrifying, but she definitely wasn't impressed by Dad's behaviour. 10 minutes later he jumped into the bin again and performed his little scene. Another lady walked by and surreptitiously motioned her daughter forward on the path, eyeing Dad as if he had contracted some kind of bizarre disease. All while this was happening, Unsocial Neighbour was in his very own garden, deliberately camouflaging himself behind a bush. In fact, I found him in the reflection of the window at the front of our house, or otherwise I wouldn't have known if he was there or not. But he knew we were there; that's probably why he kept shooshing his son every time he kept talking. It was very queer - it makes you believe that Unsocial Neighbour would go out of his way just to not talk to us. Maybe he finds my family really strange - well anyone would after reading about what Dad did. Maybe I'll go live with Unsocial Neighbour and his family from now on. This song has been playing in my head for so long now that I had to learn how to play it on the piano. Without sheet music and only using my camera, tripod, and piano, I was able to produce a (slightly low quality) rendition of Hallelujah, one of my favourite songs. I haven't played piano for quite a while though, and just beginning singing lessons, so it's not really X Factor material. So as the holidays have been among us, I've had a lot of opportunities to write on my blog, and read books. Author: John Wyndham Published first: 1951 Genres: Post-apocalyptic fiction, science fiction Blurb: When a freak cosmic event renders most of the Earth's population blind, Bill Masen - one of the lucky few to keep his sight - finds himself trapped in a London jammed with sightless mobs who prey on those who can still see... But another menace stalks the blind and sighted alike. With nobody to stop them, the Triffids - walking carnivorous plants with lethal stingers - rise up as humanity stumbles and falls. I'm not usually one who would indulge themselves in a science fiction novel, but this specific book really underestimated my expectations. I really enjoyed it because it wasn't one of those typical dystopian stories like Brave New World, Fahrenheit 451, or even the Hunger Games, where you are first welcomed to a world that has already been met by disaster. The Day of the Triffids delved into a story of how humanity used to act before they all became blind, and then quickly after where everyone was running around in panic and chaos. This made it more interesting as you would observe humanity at their weakest position and learning how to cope with this new world. The book told of a hypothetical situation which aroused the rhetorical question: What would life actually be like if humanity all went blind? I think humans take for granted their ability to see; if we couldn't, the book alluded to ideas where the electricity and water wouldn't run any longer, food in homes and stores would either be stolen within days or rotten within weeks leaving everyone to starve to death. Life would become useless and hopeless, where people believe that they would have no choice but to commit suicide. The Day of the Triffids is quite a confronting read, but it does pick up a bit throughout the story where at the end there may even be a glimmer of hope for the future. What the book could have improved on? I suppose the main climax of the story was when everyone lost their sight, but I believe the author could have utilised the motif of the Triffids more to make the story slightly more compelling to read. Although, there was a withstanding sense of trepidation that the Triffids offered during the read, causing the book to be given the comment 'One of those books that haunts you for the rest of your life' by the Sunday Times. Rating...
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About MeI decided to write this blog to share a lot of my perceptions of the world and talk about my life as a suburban teenager. I enjoy reading, writing, listening to ALL 80s music, playing piano, singing, and raving about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. Archives
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